@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.
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@thebeckyard: I was completely offended, but then you said "no offense," so now everything's cool.
@iliza: A cop was outside my house talking to some people and my first thought was "yesss" because I'm nosey.
@WyanRilson: The hardest part of potty training my puppy is shitting outside with him so he can learn how to
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I'm foolish with money "He used our life savings to buy a tiger" YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN