@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.
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@AristotlesNZ: In retrospect, when the cop pulled me over & asked "where's the fire", stroking a lighter & whispering "haven't decided yet" was a mistake.
@senderblock23: [someone reading a beautiful poem in german] ME: i have never been more frightened
@Crunk_Jews: Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.