@FilthyRichmond: New hobby: Swap text for sponsored ads
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@aveuaskew: " I made my famous dip for the office party" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. "But he wasn't a chef" Exactly
@SCbchbum: If you want to hear an elderly couple arguing for 2 hrs about whether they closed their garage door, go to a movie at 11AM on a weekday.
@Jake_Vig: HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: … ME: I assume we need to talk longer now.
@_GrahamPatrick: LIAM NEESON: I have a peculiar set of skills. ME: I think the line is 'particular'. LIAM NEESON: Nope! *He rollerblades away juggling dogs*