@TZSqueezy: Me: I want a... Debit card: Nope. Me: Ok. Just making sure.

@Boleyngirly: Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..

@Smethanie: My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals.

@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.

@dumbbeezie: I don't care how many stars this restaurant has, I'm ordering the grilled cheese sandwich