@FunnyOrDieNews: News Flash: Netflix Allows Employees One Year Maternal And Paternal Leave
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@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
@Kelly_skeleton: People who have 'taken' in their bio, sit tight, Liam Neeson will around to collect you shortly
@Fart_Bringer: "U put on suntan lotion?" "No" "Youll get sunburned!" *sun descends, his voice echoes loudly* "NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?"