@FunnyOrDieNews: News Flash: Netflix Allows Employees One Year Maternal And Paternal Leave
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@gruffybeard: 9: Daddy, wanna hear something cool? Me: Sure! 9: *tells story* Me: Ok, well clearly we need to work on how you define "something cool".
@davidkenny100: Pal: On your date, go to a French restaurant. And remember! Girls love a wine connoisseur. Later... Me: we'll both have the wine connoisseur
@Schmoodles: I wish I was an American so that I had the right to bear arms. I'd probably go for panda bear arms because awwwww, so cute.