@FunnyOrDieNews: News Flash: Netflix Allows Employees One Year Maternal And Paternal Leave
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@rolldiggity: 1. Put "Out of Order" sign on a staircase. 2. Wait until someone says, "Stairs can't be out of order!" and uses them. 3. Release the bees.
@theshantilly: The child that I carried in my uterus for 9 months & suffered through 13 hrs of labor for just asked if he could have my pickle. Hell. No.
@Arrogant_Twat: Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.