@SocialustGal13: News is reporting a nun just had a baby. It's official, a nun is getting more action than me.
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@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.
@Thynebear: If cops used t-shirt guns instead of handguns they wouldn't even need to tell criminals to put their hands up.
@david8hughes: "Was he better than me?" "Joe, don't." "I have a right to know!" "No, he wasn't better than you." [god appears] "Mary, what the hell?"