@Dutch_50: Newspapers are cool because you can cut out eye holes and spy on people. Try that with an iPad.
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@julie2288: Toddlers are the only life form that can exist entirely on their own snot, one goldfish cracker, and half a chicken nugget a day.
@NicestHippo: [meeting a couple at dog park] "BARK BARK!" GF: He's usually not like this [pulls me aside] GF: Stop yelling bark bark at those nice people
@causticbob: My gf just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock; I've only ever known her as Christine