@Rrrrnessa: Next dude that complains about the friendzone will be step-son zoned. I will literally marry your dad and step-son zone you. Try me.
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@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.
@topaz_kell: [impatiently yells] "What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen.
@TheGladStork: Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth.