@trevso_electric: Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane.
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@mollymcnearney: Okay body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the "energizing" claims. You're soap.
@onume_: The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use.
@vladchoc: Why should I have to take a first aid course? Why is this on me? Why don't you take a "how to eat sandwiches without choking" course?
@jonnysun: nothing is funny anymore becuase nothing is normal anymore. i saw a pigeon on the subway today and thought "how did a pigeon make $2.75"