@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.
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@david8hughes: Therapist: what was it like growing up? Me: I just [reaches for tissues] kept getting taller.
@Chumpstring: Unfortunately a recent breakthrough in therapy means I must say goodbye to my comfort swords, my acceptance machete, and my protection bomb.
@mountainlex: I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank