@jasonroeder: Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That's what they want you to think," say, "No, but that's what they wanted you to tell me."
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@SteveAmiri: Fifty Shades of Grey was disappointing. All those blindfolds and not a single person swung at a piñata.
@kumailn: "Every family on 2013 had 'quite the year'." - study conducted using Christmas newsletters
@Breadery: Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.