@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.
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@ericonederful: If you've committed to pulling a door handle that says push in front of people you have to rip the handle off. You can't let a door own you.
@Manda_like_wine: She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt.
@Slim_is_Fat: (Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie.
@liv_thatsme: Rice cakes have only 50 calories. But packing peanuts have 0 calories & they taste exactly the same.