@garrydavenport: Next time my 5 y/o says "Daddy, guess what?", I'm going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
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@TheBoydP: Someone said I was racist because I misspelled pico de gallo. It’s like they don’t even know I misspell English words also…
@AnUglyNigga: A horror movie with all black people lmao "Ayo what's going down in ya basement?" "That ain't my business" "I feel ya" *Rolls credits*
@Playing_Dad: [At a One Direction concert] No, I'm not a...I SAID NO I'M NOT A BIG ONE DIRECTION FAN I JUST HATE MYSELF AND FEEL THE NEED TO SELF PUNISH
@mdob11: Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!! Him: Ma'am please just take your pizza.