@KKAlThani: Next time someone catches you talking to yourself, make it worthwhile by laughing, yelling "Good one!" and high-fiving the air.
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@TheJK_Story: [First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes.
@CantWaitToNap: An erotic footjob under a restaurant table can go bad real fast when your feet miss their mark…just ask my father-in-law.
@KalvinMacleod: BABY BOSS: we need to talk about your work ethic ME: *covers face with hands* BABY BOSS: oh guess he's out for lunch. I'll talk to him later
@Probgoblin: Peregrine falcons: Attack from above. Prey on smaller birds. Silent. Cowards. Geese: Will land in front of a full grown man. Hiss and honk to let you know battle has commenced. Audible boss music. Brave.