@madamezooble: Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say "Sorry, I'm with a client."
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@david8hughes: [sees kid crying in the mall] "What's wrong?" "I'm lost." "You're in the mall you little idiot."
@aparnapkin: Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
@TyWebb1980: *Arrives at the barbers* "I'd like some highlights please" *Barber puts on video of old haircuts*