@iAmJuddy: Next time you let someone here affect your real life, tell a stranger "I'm mad at some online person I've never met" then let them punch you
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@Sickayduh: [Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza
@chimneyspotter: DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no
@clindsaysway: Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad
@tigersgoroooar: Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.