@GreenishDuck: Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up.
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@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.
@mattgallo123: This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions.