@eyepluckeramit: Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say "Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"
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@LaureRapper: Meanwhile, at School: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Laure- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out" #YouOwnedHimDude
@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Two fingers here. Son: OK. M: One in the other hole. S: Got it. M: Relax your wrist. Wife: WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING HIM? M: Bowling. Chill.
@jwoodham: Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now.