@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".
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@david8hughes: [sees kid crying in the mall] "What's wrong?" "I'm lost." "You're in the mall you little idiot."
@rebrafsim: Sensei: you have learned much, my child Nonsensei: flamingos are extremely inconsiderate
@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.