@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".
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@salmarch79: Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
@SteveSuckington: [approaches parent with child on a leash] "Mind if I pet your dog?" Hey that's my son! "Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"
@Darlainky: Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest.
@ericsshadow: Beer makes me feel invincible. Vodka makes me feel innvienceablrerrer. *falls down*