@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."
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@DarthPutinKGB: Men who claim to only watch the #SuperBowl for the ads are the same ones who say they only read Playboy for the articles.
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: As a descendant of Genghis Khan, I am more than comfortable on a horse! Kid: Mister, you have to put a quarter in for them to go around