@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."
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@roxaroodw: Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her shoes are from when you're in the next stall.
@SharkJelly: *in a fight with Humpty Dumpty* "You don't scare me, I eat eggs like you for breakfast"
@13spencer: A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?
@knot_eye: Even though she's not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.