@BMcCarthy32: NFL catch rules are absurd. "Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn't accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete."
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@bourgeoisalien: I misspelled "marriage" and Auto Correct changed it to "mirage." What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?
@TheDairylandDon: Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust.