@kwirkyKerri: Nice cargo shorts. You may want to dial back that awesome a little. Not really sure how much I can take.
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@crunkdumpster: "Well gentlemen... the steaks are high." *two steaks giggle* "Hehehe omfg he totally knows, man..."
@matt___nelson: *beats dead horse* *kills two birds with 1 stone* *lets cat out of bag* *takes bull by horns* *breaks camels back* *gets kicked out of zoo*
@chuuew: [in bed] ME: [turning off table lamp] I've finally finished my book WIFE: What happened in the end? ME: I saw his stripy shirt behind a tree
@texasstalkermom: Want his attention? Send nudes Want to piss him off? When he responds, reply "Oops, wrong person"