@kwirkyKerri: Nice cargo shorts. You may want to dial back that awesome a little. Not really sure how much I can take.
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@david8hughes: Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead
@Papa_Mex: Either the dude in the bathroom was having a surprise birth, or he needs to eat a LOT less hay in his diet....
@daemonic3: [at auto shop] MECHANIC: can I help you? ME: my car won't start MECHANIC: umm, that's a horse ME: because my car won't start, are you even listening?