@GrantTanaka: Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war.
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@PaulyPeligroso: I stash my weed in the middle of a bunch of Russian nesting dolls so when the cops are searching for it they give up like after 5 dolls.
@iLikeCatShirts: Boss: what should we call the lower cabinet in the corner that swivels? Bonnie (who hates Susan): I have an idea.
@Jacksawyerr: If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too.
@thatUPSdude: You ask me if I'm drunk? Well just spent 10 minutes looking for my phone using the flash light app on my phone.