@GrantTanaka: Nice Confederate flag bro, way to commemorate coming in second place in a civil war.
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@cbdoubleu: Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.
@SarcasticAlly12: God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
@sucittaM: Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.
@LifeStricken: How do I explain to this 5yo why it is of paramount importance to use the word kitty instead of pussy in his Mother's day card?