@MattMcC1: "nice dog or cat or baby or whatever" i offer politely, my eyes scanning the room for the taco dip. "was it expensive?"
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@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house
@Marlebean: [Interviewing to be a mortician] Do you have any experience handling dead bodies? -Well I get my sleepy kids ready for school every day.
@Dr_awfulpants: I don't want to criticize but whoever named them brownies wasn't trying very hard.
@GuyThe_Guy: They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow.