@nerdfaced: Nice guys don't finish last, fat guys do.
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@rmfnord: Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch.
@KKAlThani: 1)Buy a plastic phone 2)Walk next to a stranger 3)Whisper into phone "It's done. He's dead." 4)Remove batteries & throw phone in a trash can
@FilthyRichmond: My kids are mad at me because I never unwrap the cheese slices in their sandwiches