@iRowlf: Nice hourglass figure, girl. Wanna come back to my place and stand on your head so my friends and I can keep time while we play Pictionary?
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@Parkerlawyer: I pan fried chicken tonight. On another completely unrelated note: the firemen in my town are gorgeoussssss.
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@SwedishCanary: Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.
@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”