@itsWillyFerrell: Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?
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@EBenita0517: I'm Puerto Rican, but not "carries a knife in my purse everywhere I go" Puerto Rican. Sometimes it's in my bra.
@corinnemlwsw: Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it's an intervention.
@rickygervais: It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out.