@itsWillyFerrell: Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?
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@Sarcasticsapien: My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it.
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.