@BadassBarbie11: Nice try, dogs who wear "Please Don't Pet Me, I'm Working" vests.
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@kiel_phillips: ME: I'd like to return a defective boomerang SHOPKEEPER: Ok. Where is it? ME: I have no idea
@JoParkerBear: The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.
@Robert_Beau: Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?