@BadassBarbie11: Nice try, dogs who wear "Please Don't Pet Me, I'm Working" vests.
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@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
@jwalkonthemoon: I'm not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had.
@jimmytorosian: [Robbery] Sloth Man: I'll use my powers to make the criminals fall asleep. *Runs to bank* *Reaches bank 18 hrs later* SM: How'd they escape?
@Laser_Cat: [wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? "I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"