@mrtruthandsoul: Nice try "Enjoy By" date on bag of broccoli, nice try.
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@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea
@imskytrash: barista: name for the latte? me: it's Zach with an "h" *two minutes later* barista: i've got a latte for Hach
@TheTweetOfGod: Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a "God PLEASE bless America", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners