@mrtruthandsoul: Nice try "Enjoy By" date on bag of broccoli, nice try.
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@RdrJay47: [Food Network: Cake Wars] As the team barely delivers their massive cake to the judges table. Cat Judge pushes it off the table
@withanewname: "SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?" -- "SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!" -- "SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?" -- Wife: "She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."
@mooturkey: I used a fax machine today!! I also ran all the cotton thru the gin and plowed the field with my oxen while it finished dialing up.
@errdayhustlah: According to my neighbor's rooster, it's 5am now. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.