@Cali_Kid_Mike: Nice try government. But I'm not taking you back until I know where you've been for the last two weeks.
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@JimNorton: I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people.
@MarionDowling: BREAKING NEWS: A werewolf has apparently mated with the Loch Ness Monster. Please retweet to raise a Were Ness.
@ashlar36: I'm going to complain about the cold until a Canadian gets mad enough to say something rude, like 'I'm sorry but it's colder in Canada."
@iwearaonesie: my wife's friend is so pissed i made fun of his lazy eye he's having a hard time even looking at me