@The_Just_Factor: Nice try Jehovah's witnesses, but dressing up like the police and saying you have a warrant isn't going to get me to come to the door.
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@HeyJennyConway: Oh baby, were not going to need a 'do not disturb' sign. We're going to need a 'please don't call the police were fine' sign.
@TheBeerGuy73: Note to self: When the wife asks "Do you like my new hair", don't reply with "It'll grow back, right?"
@KenJennings: You guys, The Hobbit is a straight-up ripoff of my unreleased 3-hour experimental film "Helicopter Shots of People Walking."
@miilkkk: Everyone says they want a fairytale wedding. But when I show up and curse their firstborn, suddenly I'm the jerk...