@PaulyPeligroso: Nice try, resealable potato chip bags.
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@sixfootcandy: Me: *practicing selfie poses in the gym mirror* Trainer: Ma'am, are you having a stroke?
@MarionDowling: BREAKING NEWS: A werewolf has apparently mated with the Loch Ness Monster. Please retweet to raise a Were Ness.
@kunalkamra88: I never understand why do people whisper at funeral's ? The most important guy at this party is dead he can't hear you.