@TheMichaelRock: Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!
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@markydoodoo: I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.
@scorpiusryan21: Surprised to hear five people were shot at a Chris Brown show, most notably because why were there that many people at a Chris Brown show?
@meganamram: Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination
@Six_Pack_Mom: Me, to 11 y.o: "You need to apologize to your sister for calling her stupid." 11: "Okkk... I'm sor- wait. Which sister?"