@Kyle_Lippert: Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
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@_shellzbellzzz_: Ever look at your frequently used emojis and realize that your two moods are drunk and circus tents?
@hollywoodsigh: I'm at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to shit faster because it's cold.
@Ideal_Victoria: Me: It’s a beautiful night Him: What? Me: It’s a BEAUTIFUL night Him: What? Me: *opens trunk* I SAID, IT’S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!
@orange_rhymer: [robbing bank] leader: go in & grab everything you can *i go in to grab loot* Me: (yanking pen chain, increasingly panicked) no no No NO NO-