@Cryptoterra: nicole kidman please name your next child Teendude
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joejwest: [on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]
@paralysing_word: If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
@LosLos__: Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
@rockymomax: DRUG DEALER: whatya want? ME: *takes his hand in mine* what do YOU want? DRUG DEALER: *tearing up* no one ever asks me that