@torrami: Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working.
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@SirEviscerate: Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*
@sixfootcandy: Me: The dog gives me more kisses because he loves me the most. Him: No, it's because you never wipe the ice cream off your chin.
@krishna_van: Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me
@Naked_Superman: Gin & Tonic: 91 calories. Banana: 105 calories. Choosing the healthy option: Priceless.