@torrami: Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working.
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@jonnysun: its always terifying when im alone in my apartment and i hear a small child's voice say "hello" becuase i dread making smalltalk
@MartaEffing: I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.