@45_mag: "Ninja please" -Japanese people
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@astutenewf: Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags? Me: Kidding? At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.
@joe_binkley: Things that are loud: Jet engines Dynamite Opening a bag of Sun Chips at a funeral Rock concerts
@prontopup: Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.
@dreadnaught69: I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used "luckfully" in a tweet and removed all doubt.