@KazHiraiCEO: Nintendo say they are protecting children from inappropriate language online by making their voice chat app so bad that nobody will use it
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@jwoodham: If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
@JonBaker: By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
@Celestinelea90: My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with a midnight snack. He squints at a video feed of Earth. The plate of nachos falls to the floor in slow motion.