@animaldrumss: No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice.
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@stockejock: 'I just call it like I see it...' -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions.
@T_N_Crumpets: Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7
@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.
@stellarjulez808: If a mad scientist ever clones me, throw a cube of cheese in the air. The faster one is me.