@brunopieroni: No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by "Price: High to Low," who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [walking on beach] [find bottle with message in it] Message: IS YOUR FRIDGE RUNNING? [another bottle with message washes against my feet]
@HeatherLuvsYou: I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they're working. I call it "cooking"
@thepunningman: Farmer: I love my job Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows Farmer: What did you say to me? Wife: You herd
@psychopompis: man-ant: picnic's over boys ant thugs: oh no its man-ant, run! man-ant: *shambles towards them on hind legs wearing human costume*