@TheCatWhisprer: No amount of college can prepare you for how angry you'll get at the way people park in the real word.
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@thepunningman: [hunting] "In order to attract the stag, I perform the special call" [clears throat, cups hands round mouth] "COME OVER HERE, ANTLER JERK"
@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
@ShutUpThatsWho: CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?