@ndiquote: No Auto-correct, I never meant "Relationship Goats".
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@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
@sweetandweak: Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches." One day her picture will be on money.
@KalvinMacleod: [date] HER: I’m studying to be a scientist but really love comedy ME: [trying to impress her] Botany good textbooks lately?
@WheelTod: I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field