@nPhelendriqal: No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps.
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@AIMMadellynne: Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?
@eedrk: (reads about how guys who say girls don't need makeup are bad) me to my crush: hey girl you need lots of makeup. more than any girl in the whole world
@captainkalvis: Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster