@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.
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@mean_spice: Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor
@InternetHippo: BOSS: You ok? ME: Yeah, why? BOSS: You have a sign that says “2 Days Without Being Annoyed” [maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]
@amore_orless: Social media's ruined everything. If I saw a dead body on my walk home my first thought would be to take a pic and caption it "Mood"