@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.
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@AdviceFromDino: Asked for Cheez-its Wife buys Cheese Nips Now she's sitting in the corner thinking about what she did.
@nbadag: [the noise of everyone talking at a party randomly goes silent] ME: i call hot dogs meat pickles
@aka_fatman: Indiana Jones: [screaming as his hand is crushed under a door] ARRGGHHH! WHY? WHY DID I REACH FOR MY HAT? I OWN SO MANY HATS!!