@WhatevaConc: No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning.
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@DanMentos: One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I've said since then has been sarcastic
@thatdutchperson: [narrating a commercial for therapy] "For a 100 bucks an hour we'll blame your mother."
@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
@skylerhanrath: If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one.