@dreamthievin: No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems
@Prero22: I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me.
@DanRegans: I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying