@GermanFreckles: No, cough syrup, you're not grape flavoured. Have you ever tasted a grape? You taste like death and the tears of small children, not grape.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Genie: I'll give you more wishes, I feel bad for you Me: [with 3 ice cream cones on the ground] That's very nice of you
@emmatheist: Sometimes when my boyfriend makes a racist joke I am like Ugh why did I even imagine you?
@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.