@fart: no dude, if i wash my hands BEFORE going to the bathroom then they won't get my genitals dirty and i won't have to wash my hands after. duh
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@SarcasticCharm: Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today.
@Midgetspar: My teenage daughter is TRYING to say, "I miss you dad, please take me fishing." But it keeps coming out like, "Hey, can I have $20 dollars."
@SadPeruna: Even if you don't pay, they'll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
@djdarrellripley: Me: I grew a beard once & It actually looked just like yours. Him: Why'd you shave it off? Me: I just told you...