@fart: no dude, if i wash my hands BEFORE going to the bathroom then they won't get my genitals dirty and i won't have to wash my hands after. duh
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@robfee: When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.
@Kendragarden: Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
@AmishPornStar1: Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer.
@causticbob: I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam on eBay'. That was two months ago, and it's not arrived yet.