@AphroditeAfter5: No Grandma, he has a hair piece, not herpes
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@joeljeffrey: [At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly
@iamburtjarvis: nurse: are you allergic to any medicine? me: laughter nurse: hahaha. OH MY GOD- me [face swelling up]: i thold thou.
@dumbbeezie: If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars