@ceejoyner: No human will ever understand humiliation like a dog who happens to run into a wolf while wearing a sweater.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *explains idea* Boss: That's the dumbest idea ever Me:*clears throat* *repeats exact same idea in a British accent* Boss: Brilliant!
@onion_an: Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't
@iAmDelFreaky: 2: Where mommy? Me: Mommy's at a meeting. 2: Mommy is meat? Me: No. Well...yes, but only if we ever get stranded on an island. 2: Ok.
@Smooheed: I'm not saying you've had too much Botox, it's just that you should still be able to shrug your shoulders