@JermHimselfish: You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.

@awkwardphilippe: HER: I love Game Of Thrones ME(trying to impress her): I slept with my sister

@JVarsityCaptain: My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!

@InternetHippo: Internships are useful for a résumé. When you apply for a real job, they'll be like, "I see you worked for free a lot, are you an idiot?"

@stephenjmolloy: *air horn sound* *second air horn sound* Me: "This isn't deodorant."