@DamonHunzeker: If you ever get attacked by a bear, throw your shark at it. Also, get a shark.

@vladsavov: The most popular car brands are German, Japanese, and Italian. It's like losing WW2 is a prerequisite for making good autos.

@Up2Long: Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.

@AdamOfEarth: Roses are flowers, violets are flowers, I'd love you more if you had super powers.

@KentWGraham: No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it “Stool Sample.”