@jazmasta: No, I can't make it to your hair washing party tonight. I'm washing my h... erm i mean my dog ate my grandmother is dead.
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@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
@Hellaphantitis: At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music