@jazmasta: No, I can't make it to your hair washing party tonight. I'm washing my h... erm i mean my dog ate my grandmother is dead.
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@JediGigi: I like Halloween because no one questions the human skulls I keep on my front porch as long as I put candles in them.
@Jazzzzzmina: How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want.
@SwedishCanary: Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.
@LeBearGirdle: Doctor: I'm sorry son, it appears you have... Jenga-itis Me: [trying to pull the doctor's shoes off without him falling over] is it bad?